This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
