So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My feet surprised me
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