Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize