i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
