Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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