God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
