i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
