You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
