I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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