I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
