I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize