Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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