So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
