Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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