Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
