You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
