The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
