I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
