i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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