SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
