I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
God, I missed his penis.
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