I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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