so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
