but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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