we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
