sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize