Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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