I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
