There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
