I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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