Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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