She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
