What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
