Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
