are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
