I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
