He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
