mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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