I skipped work to stalk him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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