Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
