It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
