i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
