Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
