end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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