To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
