I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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