so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
