she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
