You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
