This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This is my gift to your gina
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
