you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
