She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
