We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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