The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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