So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How does one acquire holy water?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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