Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
