More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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