she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
