dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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