I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He shit in the fireplace
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
