Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
