Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
