he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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