This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
