please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
