Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you had me at cake vodka
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
