every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
