Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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