She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Enjoy the penises
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
