he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
