This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
