I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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