I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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