How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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