i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
