this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did I show you my penis last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
