i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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