Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
