u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My first STD was from a foam party
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
