Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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