just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
