dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
