I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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