Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
