They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize