I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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