me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
