dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
