twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
