I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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