I think my fart just growled at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
