So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
