Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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