Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
