:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
