arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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