Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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