hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
