What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
