buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
